


candlenights is for family

by pandabrite



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, One Shot, i just wanted to write it down, i might expand on this in the future idk, lol taako's a bit of a jerk in this one sorry boys, this is part of something my husband and i talked about a long time ago
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-10
Updated: 2017-11-10
Packaged: 2019-01-31 08:23:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12678105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandabrite/pseuds/pandabrite
Summary: it's been years since the end of their journey, and yet their family is still broken. a candlenights party is broken up by a rough exchange. lup eavesdrops on a conversation between taako and lucretia. lucretia leaves. taako has no idea how to deal with his feelings, so he just doesn't.





	candlenights is for family

**Author's Note:**

> day 8 of taz nanowrimo~ the prompt today is a conflict from an outsider's perspective. i had my thunder taken from me on this one a bit, but i think i got it back? there's just some angsty bits and some lucretia/taako conversation that gets cut kinda short. anyway, enjoy~ as always, the prompt list is from tumblr user lucretia-the-director.

Pomp and circumstance was kinda his thing. 

That was why Taako insisted, no, kind of more like demanded that all celebrations be held at his place and nowhere else. Extra was something he was so good at that it should really, honestly, be illegal. 

It was the 5th Candlenights since the Day of Story and Song. Twice a year, there was a big to-do at casa Taako & Kravitz-- Summer Solstice being one, the celebration of the triumphant end to their century long battle with The Hunger… and Candlenights, a much less (though, to Taako’s credit, not much) loud gathering, and a more subdued evening of feasting and gifts and reminiscing. 

And everyone was invited.

Everyone was invited. There was not an unoccupied seat in that house, not so long as Taako had any sayso. Magnus, Merle, Mookie, Mavis, Carey, Killian, Pringles, Ren, Cassidy, Hurley, Sloane, Angus McDonald, Avi, Lup, Barry, Davenport… and… even Lucretia. 

The gatherings were merry. Candlenights consisted of Taako and Lup spending hours in the kitchen… not long, arduous or tired hours… but hours full of laughing, lighthearted joking, flour covered hands and noses… cooking more food than could ever be necessary, even for the big group they invited. There was always extra and there was always plenty when the Taaco twins were in the kitchen…

Kravitz and Taako lived in a well worn home in the center of the city, a three level house that had been plain and unassuming when they’d chosen it-- but Taako had a knack for turning anything ordinary into something extraordinary… and Kravitz, well, Kravitz was just as extra as the rest of them. Their house looked like glamour and goth had a baby, and that was totally chill with the both them.

But when it came to Candlenights, things were a little bit more extreme. The house was decorated, inside and out, with the most superfluous decoration of any home on the street-- which was the point, of course. 

Enchanted snowflakes hung in the air in various places, glistening and casting prismatic light across the floor and ceilings… the walls were decorated with magic fairy lights that twinkled and shimmered in all the colors of the rainbow in synchronized patterns. Candles hovered a few inches off of tables to allow plenty of room for food and drink… the Candlenights bush was surrounded by gifts, some poorly wrapped, some elegantly wrapped in expensive paper…

And the evening was full of good natured chatting, remembering old times, catching up, and some light hearted rowdiness. Everyone got along. Everyone smiled and laughed and the atmosphere was warm and inviting and glowy… 

Except for two people.

Two people who, despite being in the same room, carefully avoided one another. Who carefully avoided exchanging words with each other. Who interacted perfectly with everyone else… 

Taako practically danced around the living room, which was jammed full of people, giving out small, boxed sweets. Macarons. Because of course they were. The elf made light conversation as he moved about, handing each individual box to each person except for… Lup, who received two boxes.

And Taako sauntered away then, continuing on to go to the other rooms of the house to find people he hadn’t made deliveries to…

Lup held the two immaculately wrapped boxes of sweets, weighing them for a bit and sighing before she turned toward the person she had been sharing the loveseat with-- Lucretia.

“Here, Lucy...” she murmured, passing the box over to her. 

Lucretia had looked strained, if only for a moment, before a small smile crept onto her lips. She accepted the box wordlessly, though she didn’t open it… she only held it in her lap, gaze lingering instead on a candle that flickered a few feet from them…

“... “ Lup folded her hands on her knees, sighing. Every year, it was like this. 

Every single fuckin’ year. 

And Lup got it. She did. She absolutely understood where Taako was coming from. She could never comprehend the hurt, the psychological damage that had been done to her brother… the pain he’d gone through in the process of forgetting her-- because… because she would never want to forget Taako… the thought almost made her sick. 

But at the same time… she understood Lucretia. She understood what she had gone through, herself. The weight of her decision still hung in her heart, and she didn’t ever have to tell her for her to know. She had ostracised herself from her family, she had hurt her family, but she had done it to try and save the world. And maybe it was the wrong decision. Maybe it hadn’t been the best way to go about it-- but…

But now..? But now things were, well, they were as close to perfect as Lup could have ever imagined it being… right? They’d made it. They’d come out of this with a home, with families, with friends and success and...

She was stuck. She was trapped between the two of them, trapped between their feelings… Because Lup while was very close to Lucretia, and she was, of course, the closest anyone could ever be with Taako…

It was tolerable at first. But as the years went on, as Lucretia aged, as time marched on for them, no longer trapped in an immortal limbo, as grudges became old grudges… it… it became harder for Lup. And maybe that was selfish, she felt it might be, but… it was just how she felt. She couldn’t deny it.

She wished that Taako would at least consider forgiving Lucretia.

She’d never breached the subject with him out of respect, but… she knew that Taako wasn’t the best with dealing with his own emotions, and he was the worst for pushing negative feelings aside and choosing to outright ignore them for the rest of his life.

… but she could also tell that Lucretia’s heart was broken. 

And she… God, Lucretia didn’t have that much more time left with them. Human lifespans were so short, a brief glimmer in the universe… 

More than anything else, Lup… just wanted them to be a family again, while they were all still fucking _alive_ to be one…

And that was selfish, maybe. But…

Lup was roused from her introspection by a weight leaving the loveseat next to her. Lucretia had slowly gotten to her feet, “Sorry, I-- … I need to do something, Lup.”

And… Lup could see it on her face. A look she’d seen before, but it had been a long time, hadn’t it? A look of resolve. An intense stare of determination… 

Lup’s lips popped open, “I… alright, Lucretia.” 

And Lucretia gracefully excused herself from the room…

Lup felt her nerves jump to overdrive. Was she going to..? Did she read her mind? Did she know exactly what she was thinking? Was… was she planning this the whole time? Or… was she leaving? She couldn’t let her leave without saying goodbye, it was Candlenights…

Ugh. Lup was on her feet before she realized what she was doing. And she followed, quietly, peering out of the living room and into the rest of the house… and she could see Lucretia, she was… God, she was standing outside of the kitchen.

She was holding a box, a long, slender box wrapped in pale blue paper. She… seemed to be hesitating, she seemed to be teetering back and forth between making a decision, but…

She went for it. Oh, shit, she was going for it. She was going to fucking do it.

Lup darted forward as quietly as she could, hunkering near the kitchen door, peering inside…

Taako was there. He was in the middle of icing some sort of baked good on a pan… He didn’t look up when Lucretia entered, but Lup knew he knew, because his ear had subtly twitched-- he was listening… but ignoring physically.

Lup felt a knot form in her stomach.

“... Taako, this-- this is lovely, as always…” Lucretia spoke evenly, and amiably, “thank you for having me.”

Taako was quiet for a minute, and it was obvious he was deciding whether or not he wanted to speak… Finally, he put down the spatula he’d been frosting with, and grabbed a kitchen towel to wipe some excess off his fingers.

“Of course it is, what else is new?” 

“I guess you’re right,” Lucretia didn’t falter, even despite the edge of coolness to Taako’s voice, despite the fact he still wouldn’t look at her.

And… then they were silent. And the silence seemed to march on for an eternity before Lucretia cleared her throat and spoke again, “... I wanted to give you this. I… understand it might be a bit odd to give this gift to you in person when, well… I haven’t before, but…” She extended her hand, offering the slender giftbox.

Taako didn’t move for a moment, but he eventually extended a hand and took it from her. He weighed it in his palms for a moment before stepping back and away… and he sat it on the counter and turned back toward her, more fully now.

“Soooo, like, what’s this about, _really_?” Taako was… unusually abrupt about it. Lup could see in his expression he was panicking. He… didn’t like being cornered like this, she figured… Lucretia was facing him down and he didn’t know how to handle it when they weren’t just… both mutually avoiding one another.

“... Taako,” Lucretia hesitated, tone soft, almost uncertain, “... Taako, I-- You’re right, I have an ulterior motive. I… wanted to talk to you, if that’s alright..?”

Taako folded his arms and leaned against the counter, gaze distant, focused on a point somewhere far away.

“I’ll… I’m going to just do it, okay..? Thank you for staying and listening. Taako--” She folded her hands on her chest, and her fingertips twisted into the fabric a bit, “I… carry so many regrets in this life. But my greatest is… Taako, my greatest is losing you. I want to apologize. I… I understand no words, no regret, no remorse can remove what happened to you-- what I did to you. My mistakes cannot be erased, they cannot be smoothed over so easily. I understand that I will live with them for all the time I have left. ... I’m not naive enough to think that anything will be so easy-- but, Taako… God, Taako, I… I _miss_ you.” The words were pouring out like vomit. It seemed like she couldn’t stop them once they started…

She took a shaky breath, “... Taako, I--”

But Taako lifted a hand, and she immediately stopped speaking… He pushed himself off of the counter, and for what felt like the first time in years, in ages, he locked gazes with her.

She froze, trying to read his expression, but it was impassive…

“Spare me,” Taako finally spoke, “Listen, I appreciate what you’re doing here… but I’m gonna need-- you’re gonna have to take this pity party somewhere else. I’ve got a good shin-dig going on here, and all this,” he twirled a finger, “is kind of a buzz kill.”

Lup felt her own hands fly up to her mouth-- to hear Taako speak in such a callous and hateful way when, fuck, when Lucretia was opening her wounds to him, when she was trying to make it right… It felt so fucking wrong. Taako-- Taako wasn’t like that. Right?

Lucretia seemed stunned… her eyes hadn’t left Taako’s, and her hands subtly shook in the breast of her blouse, “... I see.” She finally spoke, and despite her attempts to keep her voice even, it quivered just slightly.

“I see. I apologize for… for intruding.” She stepped back… she turned away. And Lucretia pulled herself together… and she strode as gracefully as she could out of the room… Lup ducked to the side right as she stepped out… 

Lup teetered between chasing Lucretia and confronting Taako… chasing Lucretia and confronting Taako…

The latter won out.

As soon as Lucretia left the room, it looked like Taako deflated. He had a hand covering his face, and the other was clutching the edge of the counter. He was shaken, it was obvious, and now that he felt like no one could see him, now that he felt like no one was around… he was allowing it to show.

Well, too bad, because Lup barged into the kitchen.

“ _Taako!_ ” 

Taako’s head shot up, and he looked even more shaken at the sight of an angry Lup barging toward him.

“W-wha-”

But Lup was already on him… she grabbed him by the sleeve of his shirt, and she pointed a finger in his face, “I-- _you_ , Taako, you’ve got to work this shit out!”

“Were you _eavesdropping?_ ” Taako seemed incredulous, but he made no move to pull away from her hold.

“... Maybe. It doesn’t matter. I-- you-- I’m so _angry_ right now at you-- I can’t even stand it!”

“Then sit down, there’s a chair right there.”

Lup grit her teeth at him, and she tightened her grip on his shirt a little, “Taako. You’ve got to work on this. You’ve got to stop holding onto this poisonous grudge. You-- Taako, how many years does she have left? How much time do you think she’s spent missing you, missing us, missing our family?”

“That’s not my problem, Lup,” Taako dismissed, and now he tried to take a step back away from her… and, of course, she allowed him. She released his shirt, and her fists were now clenched at her sides.

“It is, though, Taako! It’s… it’s _all_ of our problem. Look around yourself, Taako, maybe you had everything taken from you, but now you have more than _everything!_ You have an excess!”

Before either of them could say another word, someone cleared their throat in the kitchen doorway… Kravitz stood, leaned on the frame, looking between the two of them in quite a concerned manner.

“Iiiissss something… the matter, here?”

Lup huffed a sigh, and she backed completely away from Taako… there was no point finishing this conversation in front of Kravitz. She was more than sure who Kravitz would side with-- hell, normally she would always side with Taako, too, but… right now… right now, she just couldn’t. She hadn’t been at odds with her brother in a while, but, by God, she was on this. 

She moved and pushed past Kravitz, who looked stunned at the sight of her angry expression, even more so as she bumped their shoulders slightly, “Deal with your husband.” And she hurriedly grabbed her coat from the coat rack by the front door. 

Barry peered around the corner, “Lup, hey, headed out..?”

“I’m going--”

“After Lucretia? I just saw her leave.”

“Yeah. I’ll see you at home babe, I love you.” And she tugged her coat on, before glancing back and blowing Barry a kiss. He caught it, and tucked it into his back pocket…

“See ya.”

And Lup headed out, bounding down the sidewalk-- Lucretia couldn’t have gotten far, she was sure… She eventually found her, her head held high, her expression even… she was headed for the train station…

“Lucretia!” Lup called after her, and she seemed to tense her jaw a bit at the sound of her voice, but… she turned to face the elf who was giving chase, however, she was taken quite off guard by slender arms being thrown around her neck.

“ _L-... lup-_ ”

Lup hugged her, God, she hugged her as tightly as she could, sighing heavily into her shoulder…

She wanted to say so much. She wanted to yell and shout and comfort her and promise that somehow she would help this be fixed, that she wanted to fix this so fucking badly… but… she also didn’t want Lucretia to know that she had heard the conversation… That she’d eavesdropped on her vulnerability like that...

After a moment, she drew back, watching Lucretia’s face, which was bewildered and carefully masked…

“Hey, can I walk with you to the station?” Lup asked, lacing arms with Lucretia, “I need to get away for a minute.”

“That’s not really like you,” Lucretia pointed out, and Lup stuck her tongue out a bit.

“... I know. But, I gotta be unpredictable sometimes, right?”

Lucretia chuckled and glanced away, “... I’ll grant you that.”

And they walked. Lup did her very best to be cheerful, chattering away as they made the cold walk, arm in arm, to the train station… Lucretia did her very best to be cheerful, but Lup knew better… she was putting on a show, a mask, just like Taako did. They were more similar than they knew, really…

And Lup had no idea how to fix it… how to make things better… if she even could-- it wasn’t her place to do so, she knew. Taako had to work it out on his own, but… fuck. She _hated it._

And there wasn’t a damn thing she could do… was there..?

She waited with Lucretia for the train, and when it finally arrived, she waved her off, “Happy Candlenights, Lucy. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“... You too, Lup. Have a good evening…”

She… sort of wanted to hop on that train with her. She wanted to come with her. She didn’t want to leave her alone to stew, but… she had no right to impose herself, did she..?

So she stood, waving, until the train was gone. 

… And then she remained standing there… she stared into the night, even as snowflakes started sticking to and melting on her face… 

God, maybe she _was_ just being selfish… but… her heart ached. She… wanted nothing more than for them to be a warm, happy family again.

… and maybe that would never be...


End file.
